No Turning Back

By Megan Troyer

“The world behind, the cross before, no turning back.”

Mary Beth gave a message a while ago, and she asked this question: “Is he enough? Is God enough for you?” That has been challenging me in my life. It’s something I wrestle with again and again.

I'll be real with you, I am someone who enjoys the things of this world. I can get distracted very easily if I don’t discipline myself. I am a very undisciplined person. 

Is God enough? If all was stripped away, and I was only left with him, would he be enough for me? I know the answer in my head. The answer is, “yes he is enough.” But head knowledge and heart knowledge are two different things. 

I am a mother and a wife, yet those things can’t satisfy me if God is not at the core of everything I do. I can pour myself into my calling as a mother and a wife, but those things will continue to fall short unless God is in the center of it all. 

I didn't know what I wanted to write for this blog post, but I knew I wanted it to be real and authentic. And right now, this is what I'm going through. I hope this encourages you a little bit. 

The world constantly throws things at us to try to distract us from what we were truly created to do. I'm not saying motherhood and being a wife is a distraction. However, if I put it on a pedestal and above God, it turns into an idol. Those things cannot fully satisfy me. I cannot fully find fulfillment in being a mom and in a wife. I can feel good about it for a while, but eventually I will still have this hole… this longing in my soul. The longing that can only be filled by the One who created me. The One who created me to be who I was meant to be. It's a beautiful thing, really, to be loved by the Creator who created me to be a mom and a wife.

I don't want the things of this world to distract me from who I'm meant to be. I don't want what I'm called to be to become an idol in my life. I simply want to love and be loved by the One who created me. He's constantly calling out, he's constantly telling me how much he longs to be with me.

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so I long for you, God.” (CSB Psalm 42:1)

My soul longs for satisfaction. We may not even recognize why we constantly feel unfulfilled, but our soul knows. Our soul is panting for him and trying to fill it with earthly things, which is what this verse states.

“They have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves – cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.” (CSB Jeremiah 2:9) 

We are called to first and foremost love our Creator. To have a relationship with him. Everything else falls into place after that. My identity is not in being a mother or in being a wife. My identity is in him. Try as I may, my cisterns will always have cracks, and I will never be able to find fulfillment in what I do. It will constantly run out, and I will constantly be trying to fill it with no end. Only He, the fountain of living water, can saturate and satisfy the longing in my soul. 

“The world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back, no turning back.”